It happens. You get into a relationship, and you start expecting things of your partner. Especially things that have become a habit.
However, when things start to change, you feel like your partner isn’t meeting your needs. Then, problems arise.
You are now feeling the impact of a huge relationship landmine: unspoken expectations.
Here’s why these expectations are problematic for a healthy relationship. Plus, what you can do to become consciously aware of them and avoid them.
The Problem with Unspoken Expectations
What goes unsaid can become the breeding ground for feelings that move the relationship backward instead of forward. Think resentment, distrust, disappointment, anger … you name it.
The problem with unspoken expectations is that they create an IDEA of what your partner should live up to … except your partner doesn’t know.
This often shows up as, “I don’t understand why they do/don’t do this thing” or “I shouldn’t have to tell them that, they should know.”
But how can someone live up to your standards if they aren’t clear on what they are?
Ultimately, not speaking up about what your standards are in a relationship means you’ll hold them to those unspoken expectations. But when they don’t meet them, you’ll start forming narratives.
They don’t appreciate you or love you, for example.
This can start to breed resentment and cause deeper issues in the relationship. So, how do you become consciously aware of it?
Speak Up
Look, open communication can solve so many problems.
Tell your partner what you would like them to know.
Tell them what you would like them to do.
Listen, your partner isn’t a mind reader. Do you want them to plan a trip? Let them know how you’d feel if they did it.
Truth is … closed mouths don’t get fed. They need to know what you need, so you can figure out if they can give you what you need.
Be the Example
Relationships are a give and take. You see, the same way you need to start speaking up to your partner, is the same way you need to be able to sit with hearing your partner also has needs you might not have realized because they haven’t communicated them.
Stay open to the process.
Know that communication takes work. You’ll have to open up, be vulnerable, and be uncomfortable. But remember, you and your partner are teammates. And you’re working together to make your relationship stronger.
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Discover other ways to improve your relationship, so your marriage is as strong as ever before you walk down the aisle.